February 27, 2008

Does age difference matter?

By Anthony Buono *

Dear Anthony,

I am 50 years old and want to have children and raise a family. Do you think it would be a problem for me to find a woman willing to have a family with a man who is around 15 years older than she is? I understand it may be unhealthy for a woman over 40 to have children.

The short answer to your question is yes, it will be very difficult to find a woman 10 years younger, let alone 15 years younger. It just does not happen, and women get disturbed when they hear from men that much older. I think if you are 50, you will want to stick to pursuing women 40 and above. If you really feel you must have children with your wife in order to be happy in your marriage, then you might be risking being able to be married at all. My suggestion is to be open to women who are past child-bearing years as well as those who can still have a few children (women who are 40–47 can). Don’t put your whole hope in it, though, because you just never know if you or your spouse will be able to help conceive a child. The best approach is to search for the woman you will fall in love with and give yourself to for the rest of your life. If children come, wonderful. If they don’t, that’s fine, too. God’s plan for marriage starts first with making a commitment to the person you will love, and she should be your best friend.

As for it being unhealthy for a woman over age 40 to have children, that is a bunch of “you know what.” I know many women who have married in their forties and have had perfectly healthy babies. And you don’t choose the woman you will marry based on her ability to have a baby. At your age, you should feel blessed and very fortunate just to find one of these really great women who are so ready to love the man who gives himself in love to her. It is very unrealistic to believe there is a woman under 40 who would want to marry you. Don’t get me wrong — it is possible. All things are possible with God. But it is highly unlikely.

Anthony Buono is the founder of Avemariasingles.com. For thousands of Catholic singles, Anthony offers guidance, humor, understanding, and practical relationship advice.  Visit his blog at 6stonejars.com

* Catholic News Agency columns are opinion and do not necessarily express the perspective of the agency.


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