I was 19, dating a resident in podiatry. I loved him intensely. I became pregnant even though we’d faithfully used condoms. I was petrified to tell my parents who were Christians and didn’t even know I was sexually active. I was supposed to begin nursing school that fall. My boyfriend had been raised Catholic, never once offered to marry me. Because of all those factors, I chose to kill my child.
Physically, it was very easy. I was close to the end of my 1st trimester. They put me to sleep so I didn’t feel the pain. I remember being very frightened but I joked with the anesthetist and doctor before. I don’t remember the doctor’s name or anything about his face. I'd like to know so I could write him and tell him how devastated I eventually became years later.
I totally walled myself off from emotionally reacting to [the abortion]. I didn’t grieve, or cry or feel guilt, for 9 years after the abortion. But during that time, I was promiscuous. When I did find good loving Christian men who really loved me, I rejected them. I think I didn’t feel that I deserved their positive love. I broke up with the boyfriend who impregnated me.
In 1979, I became pregnant again. Everyone attempted to persuade or force me to abort. But I received counseling from some pro-lifers in
[The abortion] gave me grief and sorrow beyond expression. I have committed the most heinous of all crimes -- I killed my own child. Yet, the Lord forgave me, just as he forgave Paul. Yet I will always regret what I did and will probably always feel grief. But I pray that my experience can somehow prevent other women from making the same fatal mistake. I’m a nurse now, so I wear my uniform to all the pro-life things I do! It helps.
Printed with permission from Priests for Life.
