A useful primer for deciphering newspeak, 2015 edition
June 30, 2015
In light of recent current events leading to a massive explosion of highly effective and cordial debate across all channels of social media, I thought I’d take the time to instruct the confused or under-informed media consumer with this handy guide to understanding the new meanings of words.
(Note: All definitions are subject to change at will, depending upon personal emotional state, hormonal fluctuations, and whether or not the Bachelorette is airing in primetime.)
*Bigot: someone with whom you disagree
*Hate speech: bigot’s (see above) differing opinion
*Intolerance: the bigot’s refusal to concede to your point of view
*Civil debate: unfriending/blocking/reporting someone on social media
*Love: unconditional agreement/concession to your clearly superior point of view
*Science: appeal to invisible/ambiguous higher authority to extinguish further debate
Hope this helps!
Oh, and a few late entries:
*terrorist: your college roommate who attends a repressively orthodox church
*KKK cooperator: that guy you knew in grad school who had the audacity to marry a woman and then last Friday, changed his profile picture to a portrait from his wedding day
*hater: dismissive term meant to shut down further discussion and/or call out a dissenting bigot (see above) on Twitter, hopefully for the purpose of catching his immediate supervisor’s attention and jeopardizing his job