It was then that I realized the horrible mistake I had made :: Catholic News Agency
It was then that I realized the horrible mistake I had made

I was 18 years old. I had just graduated from high school. The father of the baby was two years older than I. We were high school sweethearts. He enlisted in the Army that summer and was overseas when I found out I was pregnant. I never told him about the pregnancy, but I did tell another man whom I was seeing, he was almost 20 years older than me. He referred me to a doctor who performed abortions. In order to pay for the abortion I went to the Social Services department and applied for medical. After I received the medical benefits I was counseled by a person from Planned Parenthood. I had my abortion in a hospital. I was approximately 10-14 weeks pregnant.


I can remember that the new man I was involved with was all I really cared about at the time. He was the love of my life and he wanted me to have the abortion and I wanted to please him. I didn’t give much thought to what I was doing and I didn’t ask many questions. I was just told everything was going to be alright. I was never informed about how the abortion would be done and I do remember being told that I wasn’t killing life because a fetus isn’t considered to be a baby.


My mom was very hurt. She had tried so hard to raise four children all by herself. She was a nurse and now her oldest child had killed her grandchild. I will never forget her saying that to me. I was a self-centered naïve teenager, who at the time didn’t give much thought to what I did. I just wanted to have fun and do my own thing. After the abortion, I did get on birth control pills and continued to have sex.


I have repented and asked forgiveness. I have rededicated my life to Jesus.  I was born again but fell away [the following year]. I rededicated myself to the Lord and I am attending a good solid church. I feel that the fellowship with other believers has helped a bit and also just knowing that God loves me and has forgiven me.


After becoming a Christian and reading about what the Bible says about children as a gift from God and how in Ps 139:13 "For thou didst form my inward parts; thou didst form me in my mother’s womb." 139:16- "Their eyes have seen my unformed substance." It was then that I realized the horrible mistake I had made. I can’t change the past. I just praise God that he has forgiven me of this hideous sin. I will never forget what I did. The memory still haunts me. I hate the person I was; it’s hard for me to accept that I could do such an awful thing as to kill my own child. Children are such a precious gift from God. I am sorry for what I did and I feel so thankful to be blessed with four healthy children. My oldest is 17 years old, a daughter, who I hope will never have to face with I did. I could be a help to anyone who may be considering an abortion. I would do everything in my power to persuade them to keep the child or to give it up for adoption. Having a skeleton in your closet is something that can never be erased from your past only God has wiped my slate clean, praise God.


Printed with permission from Priests for Life.

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