I’ve never known a feeling so bad :: Catholic News Agency
I’ve never known a feeling so bad

I was a 27 year old career woman and in great fear of pressure from the father of the child with whom I’d been involved for nearly 10 years. I was also afraid of hurting my parents and losing face.


I had no preconceived notions or ideas about what would happen (it was 1963).   It was a depressing and lonely experience. When I went to this doctor he very quickly made arrangements, asked what were the reasons I couldn’t have "it", then told me to bring cash of $300, a lot of money then. Then my mind is blank except being slapped in the face to wake up after the anesthetic and given a cup of tea and told I could go. My boyfriend picked me up outside the place and I felt like fainting. I’ve never known a feeling so bad.


I am upset even now to think about it and bitterly ashamed.   I am desperately sorry and just one word of support from the father would have just given me that straw I needed to hang on to. Although I was absolutely unaware until soon after the abortion how terrible it all was. It wasn’t a religious guilt -- it was just there. I’m very pleased now that the churches are coming out saying it is wrong because women must know that with whatever feelings they have before they have the abortion they can’t control the feelings after. My GP had been supportive but not strong enough encouraging me to keep my child. I blame him for that. I am now convinced that many illnesses of body and illnesses of mind in women stem from an unresolved abortion grief.


To Conclude: It is criminal for individuals or groups to pretend that abortion is a ten-minute non-consequential act. It is the worst thing a woman can do in this life and it is not related to her upbringing, circumstances or religion. It is an instinctive natural reaction to an unnatural act. I tend to relate a lot of bitterness in middle aged and older women to past abortion experience. If the law of any country does not uphold the protection of its citizens it is doomed and the obligation to educate the young is essential.


I finally confided in my next male friend in great sorrow about how this experience (which had not been so physically distressing as mentally so) after I broke off finally with the child’s father when I first realized I was pregnant, I was delighted, the rest follows.


From that day onwards after all those years with him my feelings changed towards that man. It was the saddest time of my life and I think it changed my personality from a happy woman (even if an insecure one) to a shell -- I lived my life -- but never recovered until some years ago.


When I next got pregnant it was to a lovely Naval Officer who has been my lovely husband for 17 years. I now have a gorgeous daughter (who again with all my previous woes came under threat because I had done it once and maybe it was the thing to do when cornered -- a certain mentality breaks through). Fortunately this second man was courageous enough to make a future for the two of us (which is now 4). Men must be made aware of their part in the abortion scene as women are very vulnerable then and, in my case, weak.


I don’t know whether God is looking after me but my third daughter looks the image of the first man -- blue eyes, blonde hair and the other two are dark and brown eyed. I would live well to think that God in His goodness knowing how sad I was, gave me back my original child. Is it incredible, who knows.


I am glad to offer you these true thoughts about abortion. The worst affliction to mankind today.


P.S. -- Do your best to stop this horrible practice. It’s too late when the damage is done.


Printed with permission from Priests for Life.

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