As part of the 83rd Chemical Battalion, Neal spent six months in Kuwait during the invasion of Iraq, and another 14 months in Iraq with the 509th Infantry Battalion, which suffered a number of casualties. His latest deployment was Afghanistan, where he served as chaplain assistant to Father Hesseling.
For soldiers on the front lines, “the war is right there in their face. They see it every single day. They see the trauma, they can see all the devastation of it,” Doak added. “And I think it awakens more the need … for something.”
“I discovered that within a few trials, I had to rely more on God,” Neal said. “There’s no way you could ever do this by yourself.”
Indeed, Neal discovered, “(God is) right there, just staying right there with me.”
‘Crucible Moment’
Catholic Lt. Doak, who earned a Bronze Star medal during his deployment to Afghanistan, had his own “crucible moment” there, as he described it, when he faced the mortality of others.
In Afghanistan, Doak’s duty was the transportation and security of military supplies on the road between outposts. Before every mission, he organized a group prayer asking God’s protection.
In one particularly difficult job, Doak was training his replacement who had just arrived.
“We’d gone on a very long mission and hit a number of IEDs (improvised explosive devices) on the way to drop off our supplies,” the composed, young officer explained. After the safe delivery and a rushed refitting, they began the long trip back to base.
But along the way, there was a traffic accident involving Afghan civilians. Doak and his team treated the civilians and secured the help they could. But ultimately, a couple of those people died.
Fighting back a wave of emotion, Doak explained that for a long time, he held himself responsible and questioned why such a tragedy happened.
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Only after serious prayer and several conversations with Chaplain Hesseling, Doak said he learned to trust God and believe “that you do have a Good Shepherd watching over the whole world.”
“Though you like to pretend that you have control,” he continued, “and though we train and do as much as we can to mitigate a lot of factors, ultimately, whether somebody lives or dies is out of our hands, and that’s definitely a huge call to come back to that side of the faith, to be able to just trust completely that things will work out.”
At Mass and in counseling, Father Hesseling helps soldiers grappling with profound questions of faith like, ‘“Where is God in all this? How could God let this happen? Why does evil exist? Why did this happen to my buddy instead of me?’”
Father Hesseling said he talks about the difference between God’s positive will and his permissive will — that God does not will suffering but he may allow it to occur when good can result from it.
Prayer, discernment and support of friends and faith are crucial to a soldier’s finding peace in the quandary, he said.
Grasping for Answers