New project to support divorced or separated Catholics who live their vows

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Comments: 4

Bai Macfarlane

Westlake, Ohio, Jul 7, 2009 / 06:03 am (CNA).- A new support community for divorced or separated Catholics who remain faithful to marriage has launched in the United States, taking inspiration from a similar Italian effort to help people fulfill their vows and live their "I do."

The Saint Mary of Cana project, sponsored in the U.S. by the non-profit Mary’s Advocates, seeks to work with dioceses in the United States in order to, in project director Bai Macfarlane’s words, "reject the divorce culture’s indoctrination that our marriage is dead or that we have new lives as single people."

Maria Pia Campanella initiated the project’s Italian forerunner under the family pastoral arm of the Archdiocese of Palermo. Campanella explained in an e-mail interview with Macfarlane that the pastoral work supports the separated or divorced person in being faithful to the obligations of the Sacrament of Matrimony.

"He who is faithful to the sacrament is faithful to God," she wrote. "Matrimony is the state of life that a man and a woman have chosen freely as a way of holiness. Both of the spouses are able by the Grace of the sacrament to be ‘conjugal ministers' for the sanctification of their spouse and their children, in view of the whole Church."

"This mission ...does not end in the case of separation or divorce of the spouses," Campanella continued, referencing Paragraph 1615 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. She said the separated or divorced person gives witness not only to the Church but also to the World that Jesus is faithful to the marriage covenant with the Church, even if the Church is "adulterous."

The Italian Saint Mary of Cana project recently hosted a retreat day in Palermo for those who reaffirmed their marriage vows. The day was a concluding moment of the year-long encounter and healing activities of the project.

The U.S. project is raising funds to translate into English and publish Campanella’s Italian study manual, "The Gift of Self."

Fr. Timothy Cloutier, pastor of St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Waverly, Minnesota, has endorsed the manual, saying it is "long overdue" in addressing how to live one’s marriage vows after divorce.

"This is not a self-pity book, laying blame or fault. Neither is it simply another book about coping with life after divorce… It is an insightful work drawing on faith and love to face the challenge of continuing to live one's ‘I do’ after the conjugal life has broken down."

Fr. Cloutier said that Campanella shows how married love can and needs to continue "for the spiritual growth of the spouses themselves."

"The reality of Christ's love as source and example for a divorced Catholic is revealed with a clarity that can only be called inspired, and truly timely," he added.

Lisa Everett, a co-director of the Office of Family Life for the Diocese of Fort Wayne/South Bend, said the book presents a "beautiful and profound spirituality" for spouses drawn into the mystery of Christ’s passion and death because of separation and divorce.

She also said the manual offers "helpful" direction to parishes and pastoral ministers in providing concrete material, emotional and spiritual support to those who have been abandoned by a spouse.

Those Americans who want to have Saint Mary of Cana programs launched in their diocese can participate in monthly conference phone calls.

Further information on the project, as well as translated introductory sections of Campanella’s "The Gift of Self," is available at http://www.maryofcana.org

Comments: 4

Subscriber comments:

Published by: Joan D. Ford
Dearborn Heights, MI USA 07/15/2009 07:54 AM EST

This work is blest . May the Holy Spirit continue to guide , grant to you all of the graces to support the Sacrament of Marriage.

Published by: Debbie
Brooklyn, NY 07/10/2009 02:22 PM EST

Skye,

This is an introductory article and not meant to be an in-depth analysis of the reasons for annulments.

However, as a participant and one who is familiar with this ministry and hoping to get my own diocese to study it and welcome it, I can say it is long overdue. In reality, those mental disorders you refer to are rare, but have been overused and become an abuse in the Tribunals in the US. Suddenly—over the past 40 years—we have had hundreds of thousands of mentally ill people getting married. This is just not believable. And many, if not most, of these who attain their decrees of nullity under canon 1095 suddenly are healed and are able to marry again. It lacks common sense.

Yes, there are truly those who suffer from some emotional impediment, but if you have read the yearly addresses to the Roman Rota by the last two Popes, you will learn that an “incapacity to consent” has to been severe not just difficult. The last two Popes have been criticizing the explosion of annulments and correcting the misuse of this particular canon. The American tribunals have not listened, it certainly seems.

Marriages do not simply “not work out.” In any valid marriage, the grace is given to overcome much hardship. Most people do not want the “Cross.” When life becomes difficult, people choose to give up. It is not meant to be this way. “For better or worse” means just that. Situations that are dangerous and life threatening to either spouse or children may require a separati

Published by: mary
IL USA 07/09/2009 08:03 AM EST

Fantastic !
Married 30 years,with 9 children
i find myself divorced by my spouse with little support or understanding for remaining faithful to my vows to God & to my spouse.
This is great.
thanks for the article.

Published by: Skye
Sydney 07/07/2009 08:14 PM EST

I understand that this project tries to be helpful. However, there is no recognition or qualification or even a sign of understanding of the tragic situations [and there are many] where personality disorders are involved with some of the divorced or separated spouses, which are not easily recognisable as mental disorders in many cases, for they occur on a contunuum - but which are 'worlds of craziness'. There are also situations of abuse - physical, emotional,sexual - situations involving addictions of one spouse. Why not speak of these and face the suffering in more direct words? .

This is a nice project but rather 'glossy' and reflects the unwillingness or frequent inability of many people in the church to step onto the territory of those who approached marriage in good faith and for whom it did not work out.

Don't just 'smooth over' the problems. At least show some recognition of what it is you are speaking of. Give some descrtipion of the types of divorce and separation and recognise their truly tragic and non-blameworthy dimensions.

The Lord is close to the broken -hearted - but people in the church often are as far as it is possible to be.

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