Catholic & Single The Call to Marriage

Mar 26, 2008

I have always been intrigued with the concept of a “call” from God regarding vocation.  When I came back into the Faith, I initially only hear the word “vocation” associated with priesthood or religious life.   “Do you have a vocation?”   Vocation Sunday is only about the priesthood or religious life.  So the idea of marriage as a vocation came later in my Catholic formation.

Clearly, marriage is a “vocation”.  No one will dispute that.  But what seems still unclear is the idea of a “call” to marriage.  The call to the priesthood or religious is evident in the Bible, particularly the Gospels where we see Our Lord verbally asking certain men to follow him.  They are what we now know as priests or bishops. 

Why do I bring this up at all when we know there is a vocation to marriage?  Because for a long time I have observed single Catholics talking about, and working hard to figure out this very notion of whether or not they are “called” to marriage, or is it some other calling.   I believe this is the wrong approach.  The better approach is to assume marriage is your vocation unless there is a calling from the Lord to give up that fundamental right to marriage and serve him exclusively as a consecrated person. 

Believe me, I am not questioning there being a call to marriage, per se.  I am married and know I am in the vocation God has chosen for me.  Therefore, I am “called” to the vocation of marriage.  However, what seems unclear is the reality of a single person having to discern a “call” to marriage. 

I want to propose that there is no actual “call” at all. I lean toward marriage being a default assumption.  Let me explain.

Every person who is born has the natural capability and inclination toward having children. Marriage is, therefore, established in the natural order because of the supreme natural tendency of mankind to propagate its own kind.  That is why I believe every person born should assume they are meant to be, by default assumption, married until proven otherwise. 

The majority of people are meant to marry and have children (even though the right person might never come along for some).  This is what is so precious and important about the call to offer oneself in consecrated celibacy (the forfeiting of their natural “right” to have children), for the purpose of becoming a priest or religious, or remain a lay person to serve others in some form.  It is not for the majority. 

I realize it is a very romantic idea to hear a “call” to be married. But why need to hear a “call” to marriage when the odds are you are likely meant to marry by default assumption? 

Before I met Bridget, I just remember only trying to discern if I was to be a priest or religious instead of marriage (which was my inclination). When it was clear to me I was not “called” to either, I knew I was to be married. When I met Bridget soon after, I had a clear path in my heart to allow God to work on our love.

It, therefore, makes more sense to just assume you are to be married and take steps (even as early as toddler age) to find out if you are among that minority meant to serve God in consecrated celibacy.  If you are a seeker of God’s will, God will place that call in your heart and it will permeate, and it will leave you with a constant peace.  And if not, he will also give you the peace that you are NOT called.

“I am to be married unless I hear a call to another vocation”.  Why complicate it any more than it has to be?