Catholic & Single Ready For Marriage

May 14, 2008

So you are ready to be married? You’ve discerned it is your vocation and you long to share your life with someone special in a lifetime of love?

Unlike the priesthood and religious life, being ready to take the plunge into marriage does not provide you an easy next step.

When ready to become a priest, the process begins with entering seminary, and you are guided along the way toward the actual ordination to the priesthood. Thus, you are a priest. When ready to dedicate yourself to consecrated celibacy as a contemplative or active monk or nun, the process begins with finding an existing religious community and entering to observe or become a novice. You are guided along that path pretty clearly as well until the day you take final vows. Thus, you are a monk or nun.

With marriage, you can’t just begin the process. Obviously, what is critically different is that with the other vocations, the spiritual marriage is to the same person; namely Our Blessed Lord, Jesus. And He is always available and ready for you in that calling.

With the vocation to Holy Matrimony, it is another human being of the opposite sex we must marry. That means this other person must not only be found, but also must be interested in making a free will commitment to you.

This has always seemed unfair to me. I remember being single and knowing I was to be married, and then realizing there was nothing more I could do to move forward. It really bothered me that it was not happening as quickly as I wanted. I figured it made sense that when I was ready to be married, God would send the person along in a matter of days (or at least no longer than weeks). But it did not happen that way. It took much longer.

And for many single Catholics, it can take years. For some, it never happens at all. Again, this seems so unfair. If other vocations can have such a clear path of direction, and a way to move toward it immediately, why shouldn’t it be the same for those of us who are to be married?

It took some time, but I did come to realize why it is not unfair after all. In fact, it makes so much sense and has a beautiful reality to it. Marriage is not like other vocations. Marriage is the only sacrament of the seven that is NOT confected by Jesus Christ. It was instituted by Christ, but it is not confected by Him, like in the other six sacraments.

"Confect" means to make or to put together. In the case of the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, two individuals "confect" the sacrament by their mutual and free will consent. Jesus blesses the confection through the witness of the Church representative (the priest).

This reality makes it imperative to be sure not to make an unwise choice. Priests and religious can’t possibly make an unwise choice, as their vocation is centered on marriage to Jesus Himself. But those of us called to married can easily make an unwise choice because we marry another human being.

What is sacred here is the giving of yourself. That makes your choice of person to marry sacred, since that person does the same. The vow binds you to the other, regardless of what they do. As we well know, it is not a certainty that both persons will live holy lives in marriage. But it is truly a holy path. And for those called to marriage, it is the easier path to heaven; not because that person will love you the way you want or hope, but because you will love them for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do you part.

With this beautiful reality, it is so very true that it is better to be happily unmarried than to be unhappily married. But to be ready for marriage is primarily to be ready to sanctify your own life through self-donation to the one you are to marry.