Jan 2, 2008
Dear Anthony,
I am in my 40s and am wondering if I should end the relationship I’m currently in. It seems a little superficial to me. Though I enjoy his company, the man I’ve been seeing doesn’t share anything deep about himself. He seems more interested in activities than in growing emotionally or intellectually, and is not into deep sharing. What do you think about such a relationship?
A person can have a happy married life in this world with someone who is not open to deep sharing. I think women ask too much of men and risk letting good men go because they expect the man they marry to have what are typically feminine qualities. I know many couples who have marriages in which the man is not much of a talker. But they have wonderful marriages. Marriage is not always about having some kind of deep, soul-mating experience. It can be simply about fulfilling the call to serve a spouse for a lifetime, which is the vocation. It is not a requirement that the other person be a person who shares deeply. That’s nice to have, don’t get me wrong. But when a person is facing continued life not in her vocation, it might be wise not to be so insistent on all that the man acts like, and just be happy to have someone that you can make happy and who also makes you happy in many ways. If a person feels it is better to be alone than to answer the call to marriage with someone who does not have everything she wants, then so be it. But single Catholics must be careful not to put too much stock in having everything.