Catholic & Single Is 60 too old to seek a woman in her 30s?

Jul 2, 2008

Dear Anthony,

 

I am in my 50s and was corresponding with a man in his 60s. He eventually revealed that he was hoping to find someone in her 30s so he that he could raise a family. I was quite surprised that he thought such an age difference was realistic — I know I don’t. What are your thoughts?

 

Yes, I know this is confusing for women to experience, and I believe you have the right position. A man in his 60's has little to no chance of getting a woman in her 30's to marry him. Stats prove this, and I have had enough women tell me it is "creepy" to hear from a man 15+ years older to know that this man is wasting his time. And to maintain a hope of naturally fathering children at that age is probably ridiculous, and certainly foolish. He's just not thinking of the big picture, and lacks consideration for anyone but himself. It also could be a sign of arrogance to think that God continues to ask him to put off considering a good woman like yourself of his age group because God wants him to father children.

 

I hate to say this, but I am praying that he is just giving you "a line" to make it easier on you instead of just coming out and saying "I'm not interested," because the alternative is just not an alternative in my mind (which is that he really believes he will find a much younger woman to marry him and give him children). And I am talking about "Catholic" women here. Perhaps there are "gold digger"-type Catholic women out there who will welcome such a union for the purpose of inheriting a bundle of money once he is dead (10 to 20 years at the most might seem like a good investment to some 32-year-old women), but gold diggers don't tend to want to be "mothers" of the children of men that much older. And this is all assuming he is a rich man, which I am doubting.

 

Passing up a women of his age in hopes of a younger woman of child-bearing years is delusional. How much time does he really think he has left to live in this world, let alone to wait for this woman to come along? His delusion will very likely take him to the end of his life having never enjoyed the companionship and love and devotion of a good woman like yourself who, though you cannot give him natural children, could give him happiness like he has never experienced, and give HIM the opportunity to live the vocation God called him to, which is to serve. I am always amazed that there are some people out there who look happiness straight in the eye and pass on it.

 

Sad to say, what you are experiencing is a very common problem with Catholic men today. And no Catholic man has come forward to challenge me on this position. The bottom line: many single Catholic men today are making very bad decisions about whom they are looking for, and they are making no decisions at all, when they should be. They seek fantasy and idealism, but have no sense of the practical nature of their call to marriage. Thus, they keep getting older and remain unmarried because the fantasy and idealistic desire continues to fool them into thinking it is just around the corner. And their lack of decision to marry is, in fact, a decision. The decision is "I will not serve anyone, I would rather be to myself."

 

In the meantime, the women ready to give a man love and devotion (and children) are getting older, too, and they are not getting asked out or a proposal of marriage. And babies are not being conceived and born that should be. It crushes my heart to encounter so many women who are approaching an age (or have reached it) where they can no longer conceive children, when they were very ready to marry and have a family, but live in a time when men just don't make decisions or commitments in marriage. It's extremely sad.