Oct 8, 2008
Dear Anthony,
Is it now acceptable for Catholic brides to wear completely sleeveless and scooped wedding gowns? That's what I've been seeing lately. What's your take?
I share your concern regarding this phenomenon of wedding dresses that are sleeveless or scooped. There are two important things to consider:
1) They just don't make dresses like they used to. It is across-the-board "accepted" as the styles for wedding dresses that they be non-traditional, which means less material. For most Catholics who get married, their options are ONLY these modern styles, and they work as hard as they can to find the dress that is most modest, but also classy and elegant. There are definitely places to find more traditional gowns, but many people don't have the forethought to bother (they just accept that these are the available dresses) or the time to research and purchase from somewhere far away. And these traditional dresses are EXPENSIVE! The price is so high because of low demand for them, and they are custom-made.
My wife looked into these traditional dresses when we were getting married. We found incredibly beautiful and fully covered dresses, but the price was way out of range. My wife ended up making her own dress with the help of a friend who was a seamstress.
2) The Catholic churches of the U.S. do not have any stipulations about the dresses. Rarely will you find that a priest will take special time to talk about dresses that are appropriate. They certainly will not allow really, really immodest ones, but the sleeveless, scooped, and backless dresses are accepted. They do this because those styles are pretty much all that is available and they don't want to cause unrest and stress for the brides. It is nerve-racking enough to be getting married in the first place, and the priests don't want their focus and peace to be lost or moved off what is most important. I have seen some churches where the priest has a resource guide for brides who want a more traditional approach to their wedding, which includes places to find more modest gowns. But most churches do not make that kind of effort.
So for these two reasons, we have to remember to not be quick to judge, and exercise tolerance and understanding. It's a lot of pressure to make wedding plans, and sometimes you have to take what's available. But the concern is still important one. We all have to remember that there are concrete principles of modesty that apply to weddings as well, and extra effort should be made to ensure that a wedding is modest. That means the least amount of flesh exposed as possible. I do pray that the reality is not that people have become indifferent to these things, including when it comes to a wedding day. I was so happy to come across an article about a woman, Tova Marc, who started a business that is supplying modest wedding gowns, seeing that many women want to go back to a more modest wedding. Click here to read it. Her company is called Couture De Bride in Teaneck, NJ. We thank God for people like Tova and businesses like hers. Let's pray wedding dresses (and all dresses for the women in a wedding) get less and less revealing.