Catholic & Single In Heaven, WHO are you? Part 2: Influence of others

Mar 31, 2010

In the first part, I spoke about what is meant by “who” when we think of who we will be in Heaven, and about what kind of person we will be there. To get to Heaven we need to be a “good” person here, and that person will continue in Heaven.

So how do we get to be this good person expected of us?

First of all, we are all born “good”. We reflect the image and likeness of God, the Creator. However, because sin entered the world through our first parents, evil exists. “Evil” is goodness gone wrong. “Evil” is also potential good. Good and evil have to do with actions of thought and of deed. When we do something evil, it affects the person we were created to be by God. However, as long as we are alive in this world, there is hope to correct any evil by God’s grace.

Though every person is born “good“, we don’t stay that way. We can’t. We are all sinners. The Catholic Church teaches that we cannot commit a sin until the age of reason (typically around 7 years of age) because a sin has to do with motives and circumstances. A developing child has not yet reached the point of being able to decide with full use of reason. During those first 7 years, the potential person is in development. By the time that child is 7, the effects of the parents’ teachings, the family influence, and all experiences of that child shape the “who” that really starts to exist.

It is worth accenting the point here that other people shape us. The “who” that we become does not happen regardless of others, but rather because of others. It is important to realize that every person’s interaction with a child has an effect on the person that child will become. Who they are is a result of the many people they are in contact with.

This is why parents are exceptionally important people. They primarily do the shaping of the personality. Everyone the parents allow to come into contact with that child contributes. A bad parent is going to establish bad qualities in their child. It is important to become a good person in order to be a good parent. We train our children to have good habits so that they will become a person that is good for others, for society, for God, and for themselves. Neglecting to lead a child in developing good habits means their personhood will not be where it should be. Bad habits and bad character traits are the result. A person of bad character is not only acting badly, they are not growing better as a person. We are created to become the fullest good person possible who acts in ways that benefit others and God.

Socializing with other human beings is an inescapable aspect of developing into a person. Some parents, motivated by concern that their child might be badly influenced, will shelter their children. The risk of an under-socialized child, however, can be far worse for that child than the times they witness something the parent preferred they not witness. The person they become can be socially crippled, lacking skills that are necessary to function and succeed. A child that spends excessive time involved with antisocial activities (e.g., computer/video games, excessive phone use, headphones in their ears, or anything isolating), can turn out the same way. This produces antisocial and under-developed persons (immature adults), as they can tend to remain adolescent in their behavior.

These immature, now adult persons are then sent out into society. The primary society and social function affected by this is the institution of marriage. And the result is bad marriages between people not capable of the demands of marriage. But that is a topic for another time.

It is important to understand that the person we become is a result of the people we interact with during our life. The person we will be in Heaven is intimately connected to other people who helped form us. This is why in Heaven, we will still be social beings. It won’t be only looking at the Face of God, but we will walk with those whom we were close to in this life, and meet those who influenced the person we became.

Social interaction is necessary to form the person. Experiencing all kinds of people, including those who are not attractive to us as people or who have different views, etc., enhances the process toward becoming a good person. This is what makes good friendship such a treasured thing. A good friend enhances the person we are. We become a better person because of the relationship. Friendships with people who do bad or harmful things will drag us down and make us worse people. Therefore, those we choose to bring closer into our lives is a big deal, because they will play a major role in making us the person we continue to become.

Think of how someone you know may have changed as a person because of someone they befriended. Think of how love between two people in marriage can take two good individuals and make them greater people through their shared life of intimacy, trust, and experiences. This is why two people either grow happier together or more miserable together. If there is a problem with one or the other (or both), these problems rub off on the other, making the other less of a person as well. Soon you have two people who don’t even recognize each other, and friends and family notice remarkable changes they do not like to see. But when the relationship between the two is a positive one, with genuine mutual love, there is a tremendous enhancement of each other’s personalities, and a happiness that is undeniable to those around them, particularly their children. From this love, the children are able to become better persons.

When we die, the process of becoming a person ends, and we take our progress into the next life. Everyone who has influenced us in becoming the better person we are (and who also made it to Heaven) will be someone we carry on with in Heaven. Spouses will no longer be married, but if their love and friendship endured in the world, it will carry on in Heaven. If the marriage did not fare well, there should at least be no hard feelings or animosity since you will meet again in Heaven (which should be mutually desired). To not forgive and be at peace with each other is to wish the other not make it to Heaven, and that could result in you not making it there. One thing is for sure, close friends will reunite and spend eternity together worshipping God. It’s a beautiful image, and a wonderful sign of hope for this life.

God is the author and navigator of the people who influence our lives for good. In the final article on this subject, I will address how God influences persons with each other, and how the relationship with God affects who we are in Heaven.