Catholic & Single Choose a Truth Seeker

May 26, 2010

Single persons have lots of opinions about what things they should be looking for in their future spouse as they go through the dating process.   Most of their opinions derive from their checklist of things they want in a person they believe could make them happy.  Having a checklist is a normal thing.  We all have them.  The danger, however, is that the checklist is ever-growing; constantly undergoing revision and additions with each passing year.

On the checklist of every single Catholic person is that this future spouse believe in God.  More specifically, they want someone who is faith-based, and lives a Sacramental life (goes to Mass, Confession, etc.).   This is usually at the top of the checklist.   That’s good!  If this is on your checklist, then I believe you have your priorities straight.  Rarely, however, do I hear of something being on this checklist that I feel is imperative, and an uncompromisable item.  I would like to propose that you put “Truth Seeker” on that list, and put it in the Top 3.

What do I mean by “Truth Seeker”?   I mean someone who fundamentally and habitually seeks the truth, desires to discover truth, and wants to live truth. What is the truth that should be sought?  Jesus Christ is the Truth.  He said He was the Truth, and He also said that the truth shall set you free.

People of truth are capable of being saints in a daily life of sin.  What I mean by that is that every day of our lives we face a battle between good and evil, and must successfully endure temptations to do or think wrong, evil things.  This daily process fashions us into the saints we are called to become, but every day we fail at it in some way because we all sin every day.  The good news is that every day we have an opportunity to grow, even as a result of the sins we commit.  That opportunity to grow is available to everyone.  If you are a truth seeker, you take every daily opportunity to learn what the truth is in everything you face in that day.  A truth seeker wakes up in the morning and asks God what He wants of him or her that day, and asks for enlightenment to the truth so it can be followed.

To be a truth seeker means to connect everything to the vertical relationship with God, and the horizontal relationship with our fellow human beings.  First, the vertical.  We must know the truth, so the truth seeker appeals to the divine for enlightenment of the mind, heart and soul.  Second, the horizontal.  We are social beings and have a responsibility toward all our fellow human beings because of God who created all things.

Truth seekers ask important questions in order to learn the truth so that they can act accordingly.  They are always, always, always “connected”.  They make the connection between God and all that happens in their life.  To be connected means to have order.  This order brings a peace of soul to the truth seeker, and they lead a holy life in every way.  St. Augustine defined peace as the tranquility of order.  How true this is!  That means that a disordered person is not connected to God, and is subsequently living life abstractly.  The person who is not a truth seeker compartmentalizes the things and people of their life.  They are capable of saying one thing and doing another; of acknowledging truth but not living it; of doing all sorts of things that don’t make sense as a whole; of living life out of context; of being selective about what they will and will not believe.

How is this different from the checklist item of wanting someone of faith; who believes in God; who goes to Mass?  The sad truth is that there are persons who say they are Catholic, who believe in God, who have faith, who go to Mass or say the Rosary, etc., but still do alarming things like partake in pornography, pre-marital sex, masturbation, unkindness, abusive behavior, resentment, objectification of others, and many other things contrary to fundamental human virtues that make for a decent person.

How can this be?  It is because of disconnected living, without a full commitment to the truth.   If a person is fully committed to the truth, no matter what their sinful tendencies or weaknesses or imperfections are, they will make progress.

The most important reason to marry a truth seeker is because you always (and I mean always) know that this person will, no matter what happens, have God as the higher authority above his or herself Whom he or she must ultimately answer to and must make the primary appeal to.  You will get someone who is humble enough to know that he or she cannot just accept their own way of thinking or acting.  You will get someone who wants the truth, even if it hurts or requires change in themselves. 

This is critical.  If you marry someone who does not desire the truth, your marital challenges have the potential of perpetuating without resolve or growth due to the person of so-called faith you are now married to stubbornly content to interpret things by their own power, and conveniently say that they “know."

A truth seeker can say “I was wrong” and want to make up for it.  A truth seeker can examine themselves and determine what is disordered, and take the steps to restore order.  A truth seeker is quick to listen, and slow to offer opinions as absolutes.  A truth seeker respects themselves and others, and does not demand.  A truth seeker does not make excuses for themselves, but accepts responsibility.  A person who says they believe in God or goes to daily Mass does not guarantee they can be a quality person of character.

As you date, beware of the person who will not reflect on themselves and their own thoughts and actions, while being very quick to question yours.   Flat out ask the person you are dating if they are a truth seeker; love to discover truth and desire to live truth as they discover it.  

Living truth is the path to personal sanctity.  I don’t care how many Rosaries someone says, if they are not a truth seeker, they are not living the call to truth as Jesus proclaimed.
 
This is about freedom.   We want to be free from error so we can live in peace.  The truth will set us free.  Seek truth in everything for yourself, and do not compromise “Truth Seeker” on your checklist of “must haves” for a future spouse.