Feb 10, 2011
What is wrong with some women today?
I went into Panera this morning to get some coffee (and I admit their Bear Claws are too good to resist). I was standing in line when in comes a nice looking couple. Always having my business hat on, I paid attention to see if the man would be a gentleman and hold the door open for the young lady. Sure enough, he did. I smiled and thought to myself, “good boy.”
Then he kept holding the door because there was another young lady approaching to enter. Well all right, I thought. This is a gentleman. The girl he is with must be proud.
I turned back to place my order, and within seconds, I could hear the young woman of that couple not so discretely and angrily chewing him out over something. Was it because he held the door open? Some women don’t care for that. Was it because he held the door open for someone else? Was it for some other reason?
I was not able to hear exactly what she was so upset about, nor did I try to. But I could not help thinking, this guy just held the door open for her, giving witness to what it means to be a gentleman and treat a woman properly, and here she is within seconds rudely treating him with such disrespect in a public place.
I gave in to the temptation to look over and saw the poor guy just standing there taking it, big sullen eyes and all. I felt very sorry for him. What could he have done to deserve such treatment at 8:00 in the morning on a beautiful sunny day? I doubt it was anything really serious. But even if it was deserving, that is not the time or place. No one deserves to be treated like that in public, for sure, and perhaps at all.
Just the way she sounded, it was very degrading. Is this how we talk to the people we love? Barking, shrieking, defaming comments? Unfortunately, this kind of tactic does not accomplish resolution. It might succeed in causing someone to feel bad and apologize, but whatever the issue is, it is not resolved.
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that this woman was over-reacting. She is probably the type of woman who is never satisfied and content with a man. Many women lack the appropriate tools a woman should have to draw out the love and devotion a man is capable of when he is with a woman who treats them right.
I have heard thousands of women complain about men over the years. Many of the things they complain about are legitimate things, but much of it is not. Women have a tendency to exaggerate and over dramatize what is wrong with men. What bothers me is the bitterness and negative attitude that is expressed along with their complaints.
My point is not to get into what are legitimate or non-legitimate reasons why women should be disgusted with men (or men toward women for that matter), but rather to point out that this is a matter of treatment. Women have a lot to say about how they should be treated, but they need to understand (and really work at practicing) how important it is to consider how a man should be treated.
For example, if a man does not hold the door open for you, it is not productive to contort your face in an “Are you for real?” type of look and with a snarky tone of voice say, “Don’t worry, I have the door myself.” Copping this kind of attitude only makes things worse. Men do not respond favorably to women who are easily and visibly angered, disturbed and reactionary.
One of two things typically happen when women display this attitude.
1) The man becomes silent and grows distant. Hopefully, he will recover later. But he might file that incident away and use it as evidence later as to why he should not make the effort to treat her better.
2) The man will become apologetic and scramble to do anything necessary to pacify the woman.
Either way, she loses. She is either fashioning a man who slowly develops a contempt for her, or she fashions a subdued dog type person, trained to respond to her every outburst and discontent with unquestioned desire to please driven by fear.
Not too desirable, wouldn’t you say? Yet, so many women seem to want this. Or if they don’t want it, they don’t understand how they are contributing to it.
No matter what it is that a woman has a problem with regarding a man, contemptuous behavior is never productive nor acceptable. If he bothers you that much or brings out the worst in you so easily, then end the relationship. Why compromise the gentle woman you are made to be? A good man is attracted to and tamed by a gentle woman.
We are talking about a consistent behavior. Everyone has their moments. Stress, lack of sleep, lack of food, and many other issues can cause arguments. God willing, an apology and hug can make things right. I am addressing a problem among many women today, even good Catholic women, who have allowed themselves to become a way that is very threatening to their ability to love a man. The woman in Panera did not think anything of demoralizing this man she was with in public, caring nothing for what it might look like to others. That means she has developed a bad and dangerous habit of reacting impulsively.
You have a problem with this man? Then have some self-control. Have some consideration of the dignity of this man and speak to him privately. It would also serve you well to wait and speak calmly, and in a way that is more inviting and non-threatening.
Develop the habit of praying to the Holy Spirit in moments when you sense any negativity brewing inside. Pray “Holy Spirit, help me calm down, preserve my dignity, don’t allow this to be made more than it is, and know that You have your hand on this. Bring me peace.” You will be the better for it.
I know there is a lot to complain about when it comes to men, but women need to start appreciating men more. If you have gotten to the point where you don’t thank him when he does something for you, or at least smile in an approving way, then you might be losing appreciation for him. Don’t let that happen.