Catholic Men Balancing work and family

May 30, 2011

I’m embarrassed to admit that sometimes being at work is more enjoyable than spending time with my family. At work, I get a respite from the diapers and discipline and demanding children, and can work with other (relatively) mature adults solving important problems. And for my efforts I can expect to receive accolades, promotions, and raises, which seems to me like a pretty good trade most days.

I’ve talked with friends about this—including other solid Catholic men—and they have told me that they have the same struggle balancing work and family life. Their companies expect them to work long hours. Their children can be whiny and disobedient. And their wives grow resentful at their time away at work, which makes them even less inclined to go home earlier, creating a negative cycle. All the forces in our society seem to line up against maintaining a healthy balance.

But now more than even, we fathers are needed in our families, who depend on us for so much more than bread-winning. Our children need our leadership and love. Our wives need our support and encouragement. The spiritual health of our home requires our visible faith and faithfulness. Here are three practical ways we can foster a better balance between work and family life.

1.  Be prudent in your job choice

When you are choosing your field, consider the average time commitment that it demands. Will it allow you to spend enough time with your family? Will you have to work weekends or overnight shifts?

If you have already chosen your field, think about different career paths at your company. Find out how many hours per week each position requires, as well as any travel that will be involved, and try to find one that matches your interests and skills and that allows plenty of family time.

2. Give your children the love and discipline they need

When we don’t spend enough time with our children, they can try to get our attention through negative behaviors. This makes them unpleasant to be around. Spending more time with your children reassures them that you are there for them and that they will have enough time with you.

Children, like grapevines, need training and pruning to grow to their full potential. Are you providing loving, consistent discipline? If you are looking for ideas, Dr. Ray Guarendi is a father and family psychologist who has written books filled with practical tips on this aspect of parenting. Virtuous and self-mastered children are enjoyable to be around, and the gift of good discipline will serve them well throughout their lives.

3. Do fun things with your family

Do you like camping? Take the family on a vacation and camp out together! Do you like to work on home projects? Give the children some age-appropriate tools and invite them to help you. Do you get excited about sports? Make an excursion to a ballgame in the area or a road trip to the closest big city with a major league team. Or just go outside with the kids and kick the soccer ball, throw the Frisbee, or play a game of hide-and-seek. The goal is to create family time using activities you enjoy anyway.

My wife likes to do indoor crafts with our children, so I used to try to do those with them as well. But I don’t have the patience or interest in that kind of stuff. The result would be one frustrated dad and four frustrated kids. Now when I get home and give my wife a break, I hustle the children outside, and we start to play: bike chases, throwing the ball around, whacking stuff with sticks, whatever. I even donned my old inline skates, tossed the kids in the double jogging stroller, and went tearing off down our residential road. The kids love it, and I have fun as well.

If your job requires long hours or extensive travel, think about how you use the free time that you do have. Can you eliminate some hobbies to maximize the time you spend with your family? Perhaps you can involve your family on a business trip and make it into a working vacation?

Putting your wife and children ahead of your work shows that you are at the service of your family. This makes your wife feel supported and loved and alleviates any resentment that has built up. When your wife is happy, your home is happy, and a happy home is one that you will want to come home to.

Finally, pray for the grace to see through the eyes of faith the time you invest in your family. You may not have someone pat you on the back and give you a raise for being a good husband and father, but the intangible rewards are ultimately far greater, and the time spent with your family will build up treasures that are eternal.