Catholic & Single Where is Mr./Ms. Right? (Part 1 of 3)

Nov 3, 2005

To find the right person for marriage today is no easy task for single Catholics.  Many wonder why it is God has not yet sent this person, despite their desire and readiness to be married. Unfortunately, there is more to it than simply the actuality that this person has not yet showed up on the scene.

 

In the next three articles I will unfold the reasons for this problem of Catholics meeting their future spouse and offer a conclusion as to where that right person can be found.

 

A main problem to the question of  “Where is my future spouse?” is that single Catholics are not considering the fact that conditions and circumstances have changed. They still think in terms of old ideals while the whole reality of how a person meets their future spouse gone and changed in recent history.

 

There was a time when it was obvious where you would meet the person you were going to marry; namely, your community. By community, we mean that you lived your life in your town. You grew up there, you attended church there, you worked there, you made long-lasting friends there, and you settled there. It was all there. Therefore, it was very common that you would meet the person you married in your community.

 

As the world grew busier and more mobile, the sense of community (as it was once known) vanished. Some other things that have changed are many more young people go off to college and get a higher education, more white collar work opportunities have emerged (thanks to technology), and the sense of community in businesses have disappeared as well. It used to be that you could spend your life with a company through job security (a certain thing of the past). Finally, the age when people get married today has changed. Building a career has become so available and rewarding to pursue, for both men and women, there tends to not be time to consider marriage until well into the 20’s, if not 30’s or even 40’s. 

 

A very critical component to the breakdown of community is the attitude toward marriage itself. The contraception mentality and the lack of concern about commitment or responsibility has crippled us as a society, and certainly has made it far more difficult for a person to meet a good person to fall in love with, marry, and build a family.

 

All of these have contributed to the break down of true community and the emergence of the society of scattered people. Thus, people “relocate” like never before. They marry much later than ever before. They abuse their sexuality like never before. They are busy about so many things like never before.

 

In the meantime, the expectations about meeting a person for marriage seem to not have changed. There is still a holding on to what we can now call “old-fashioned” ideas about where and how God will bring that right person into our life.

 

The world has changed, which everyone knows. But what many don’t seem to understand is that with the changing world went the old-fashioned ways of how we, as Catholics, met our spouses.

 

In the next article, I am going to focus completely on the most important reason why it is so hard to find that right person. For now, suffice it to say that for single Catholics, there cannot be a clinging to hopes in old-fashioned ways of meeting the right person. It is going to take heroic (yes, heroic) efforts and attitude adjustments to both understand the realities you face in your desire to meet Mr. or Ms. Right, and to actually finding him or her. 

 

There is much to be hopeful about, but there must be an embracing of the realities to face and understand. Only then can single Catholics become more open to discovering where and how to meet that right person you pray to find and marry.