Aug 6, 2008
Dear Anthony,
I have been dating a non-Catholic Evangelical Christian and we are thinking of getting married. I really believe he is the man who can help me get into heaven. Do you think our different religions would become a problem if we married?
The only reason you would find yourself having to say "no" to this man is if he is opposed to your Catholicism in any way (would give you any hard time about practicing your faith) AND if he is opposed to your raising your children as Catholics. The first one is usually pretty easy for a non-Catholic to permit, but the second one is a tougher pill to swallow.
It is a requirement for a Catholic to get permission to marry a non-Catholic and that the non-Catholic formally agrees to allow the Catholic party to raise any children that come along in the marriage as Catholics. That includes required Mass attendance and the education of the children in the Catholic faith. Be careful here. You really need to know if he will be open to this in practice, and not just in word. It is much easier to say, "Sure, that's fine with me," when there are no children. But when the children do come along and the dynamic of living life with children growing up becomes a reality, he might have a different feeling at that time. If he has that strong desire later in the marriage when the children are in his life to share his Evangelical faith, it could be a disaster for you, the marriage, and the children.
If he is a strong Evangelical, I highly doubt he will be open to helping you raise the children Catholic, or just sitting back while you raise them as Catholics and he is the only non-Catholic religious person in the house.
I hate to say it, but if you don't have a strong sense that this man will seriously, and without recanting, allow you to raise the children Catholic, you cannot marry him.
Having said that, I do believe it is possible for Catholics and non-Catholic Christians to have happy marriages. In my opinion, it is the character and commitment of the individuals involved that are more important than the religious practice. Don't get me wrong, sharing the Catholic faith is a very close "second". To be evenly yoked is a great help to a peaceful, happy life together. But a quality individual who loves and respects the person he or she is marrying, and who is truly committed to being a helpmate to that person, is at the heart of marriage. And there are plenty of examples of happy marriages where they did not agree on religion, but loved each other very much, with great fidelity, commitment to permanence, and openness to life (these three are essential to the dignity of marriage as an institution).
What we see more often, I'm afraid, are marriages of two Catholics where one or both are Catholic in name only, and their personal character is not very good. In fact, one or both don't have the qualities and capabilities that are necessary to make a commitment to another person for a lifetime in the marriage covenant. Sure, they both go to Mass and do other things significant to the mutual religion they share, but their both being Catholic is not saving their marriages from falling apart.
I am assuming this man you are in love with is a very good person, and by that I mean a quality individual whom you see is capable of loving you and treating you with great respect, and open to life, and capable and desirous of being faithful to you and living out his marriage to you for a lifetime. If that is true, then you have a great deal going for you with him.
But please do not underestimate the power of children in the life of a marriage, especially for a man. When a man is really a "family man" (desires children and loves children, etc.), he wants to share everything he loves and believes in with them. But until they come along, a man might just say anything to the woman he loves that will make her happy.
Obviously, there may be no way to know this "for certain". But you should be able to tell enough to make this decision. I have dealt with Catholics who have had to make that extremely difficult decision to end a relationship solely because of the raising of the children issue. A few did not and decided to take their chances that it would be fine or that the spouse would convert to Catholicism (which is always possible, but a person should never, ever assume it).
Only you and God can make this decision together. I am merely giving you food for thought. But it is the requirement of the Catholic Church that to marry a non-Catholic, you must get dispensation to do it, and to get that, the non-Catholic MUST formally agree to NOT prohibit the Catholic from practicing the Catholic faith and raising the children Catholic.
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