Catholic & Single The Senses in Dating: Part 2 - Hearing

Apr 8, 2009

I stated in the first installment on the five senses and their role in dating that we come to all knowledge because of the five senses. People who fall in love and marry owe so much to their senses. And we can thank those senses for the life of grace we have. I also covered the sense of sight.

 

Let us now consider the sense of hearing. The ears are the physical part of the body that act as instruments through which we receive the sense of hearing. Sounds are received through these ears of ours and are interpreted by the brain. Knowledge is thus acquired because of what we hear. The soul (our being) is affected.

 

The experience of music is accomplished only because of the sense of hearing. The beautiful sounds enter into the body and affect the soul. We are moved in our very being (negatively or positively) as a direct result of the music. The experience of noises have an effect on our being as well, which is why finding quiet time is a vital part of recovery in our spirit (unless one has become a person who cannot stand quiet).

 

In addition, the use of the mouth for speech is tied into the sense of hearing. The speech we listen to from other persons has the power to influence, and thus has a direct effect on the knowledge we acquire. Unlike music, which touches the soul already predisposed to react to it, the spoken word brings information into a person that provides knowledge that was not there in the first place. By nature, we are created to know the truth. But truth must be transmitted to us through the senses. With hearing, that transmission is accomplished powerfully through speech (what is orally communicated to us). This also applies to our own speech. We hear ourselves say something, and it represents ourselves, and it helps us. When we pray out loud, or when we confess something out loud, we hear ourselves. That has an effect on our knowledge of ourselves, just as when we hear someone tell us something about ourselves.

 

It is said that we are what we eat. But in a very real way, we are what we hear. If a child hears throughout all his life that he is no good and will amount to nothing, that child will have self-esteem problems. If a husband hears criticism from his wife day in and day out, he will distance himself from her, or perhaps even leave her. We are created by God for love and for truth. Much of that secure feeling of love comes from the words spoken to us. People become unhealthy psychologically, primarily through verbal communication, whether it's verbal abuse, or being lied to, or by words that are deceiving and confusing.

 

Words have meaning! And words are powerful! I don't think people realize just how influenced they are by words spoken. God forbid the words spoken to a person are lies or deceiving. Only when words are backed by truth, via actions that support those words, does the human person flourish.

 

Love is known in the hearing. A person wants to hear the one they love say "I love you" or "I trust you." These words are received and accepted as truth about the whole person who spoke those words. When vows are made at a wedding, they are accepted by each person as representing the whole life of that person. They are not just words! Words must be chosen carefully because they represent who we are. We have to act out what we say.

 

Listening to someone we love is also important. We can't be people who are interested only in what we have to say. We have to be anxious to listen to others, especially someone we are dating or married to. It is in listening (truly listening with attention) that we learn about another person. We take in those words and we use them as we observe the behavior and actions of that person to determine if the words match the actions. Much of falling in love has to do with the oral interaction between two people and how those words transmit into the full body experience of each other; namely, the actions fulfilling the words spoken. The actions prove the truth of the words spoken.

 

Like seeing, hearing plays a major role in the sacramental life. For example, we hear the words of consecration at Mass and then we "know" the bread is now the Body of Christ. Love is the same way, because it has a sacramental principle. We hear the words of the one we love and we "know." We are affected inside in a way that is a mystery.

 

The ability to hear, of course, is a gift of God and we must be good stewards of this gift. We have to be very careful what we listen to (whether it is music, or noises, or speech) and be very discerning about what we say to others. We have to realize how powerful speech is, and how influential what we hear is on how we grow in knowledge.

 

In dating, we don't ever want to be one who deceives. We can't live an abstract life of saying one thing and meaning another. We have to be great listeners, and we have to use words to communicate truth. Too often people are hurt in relationships because of deceiving speech. The hurt comes because by nature we are disposed to truth and we are inclined to believe what we hear.

 

We also don't want to become a victim unnecessarily. We cannot just take words at face value. Until a deep level of trust is established (which is a degree of intimacy when words are enough), words spoken to you during the dating process must never be allowed to be all that is necessary. I did not say don't believe the words. If someone is speaking to you (or writing to you) with great love, affection, sweetness, kindness, etc., then you definitely consider them. But they must be tested. We all have stories or have heard stories of how a man or a woman was dating someone who showed great interest in them through their words, but discovered along the way (sometimes very far along) that their words were only words.

 

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This happens because people are too quick to give their heart prematurely because of words spoken. Test what is spoken both by observing the actions of the person and over time so consistency is displayed.

 

For those who are dating, never use the words "I love you" before there is a firm intention to make a commitment to the other. And if the person says "I love you" (especially early on), be flattered, but be careful.

 

Love is proven in action. Words of love are critical representatives of love, even after reaching deep intimacy when words seem to be incapable of describing love. Words matter! Use them selectively, sparingly, and wisely. Christians are called to live love and charity. Word choice and how we speak to others is a serious aspect of being a Christian.