Catholic Men Family meals – a winning recipe

Sep 26, 2011

Tom and Rose came into my office looking tired and frustrated. Both were overwhelmed with life’s responsibilities – Tom with his job and Rose with the home. They also seemed to be having trouble with their four children. Their kids were misbehaving at home and at school and their grades were suffering. They felt as if their family was falling apart.

With a family such as this, the first question I ask is, “How many nights a week do you sit down as a family for meals?” Tom and Rose looked sheepishly at each other and then responded “one, maybe two.” When I asked why this was, they went through a whole list of reasons – Tom was working late, Rose had church meetings, the kids had sports practices, games, music lessons, etc. Their busy lives were taking a toll on family life and some serious changes needed to be made.

I recommended they change their schedules so that the entire family could sit down to evening meals at least four nights a week and at least one breakfast on the weekend. Naturally, both looked at me as if I were crazy. Neither could see how they could possibly give up any of their activities. With today being “Family Day--A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children” (an initiative sponsored by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse), it is a good time to outline these 9 reasons why family meals are vital:

1. Family meals bring families together. When families become too busy, it is impossible for members to have healthy relationships. We all desire close-knit families. Bringing the family together for meals can foster this.

2. Family meals let parents know what is going on in their kids’ lives. We all worry about our kids – how their grades are in school, who their friends are, what are they doing outside of school, etc. Through family discussions around the dinner table parents can better understand their children’s lives.

3. Family meals can be used to help solve problems. When two or more family members are having a dispute, mealtime is a great way for everyone to discuss the issue and develop solutions.

4. Family meals are an opportunity to teach children. Through lively discussions about current events, art, music, sports, TV and politics, children can learn from their parents.

5. Family meals can be opportunity to pass on the faith. Children can take turns saying grace and praying for the needs of family and friends.

6. Family meals are important for couples. Sitting down together forces spouses to take time out of their busy lives to spend time with each other as well as their children. Parents also can model a healthy marital relationship at family meals by demonstrating love and respect toward one another in their words and actions at the dinner table.

7. Family meals make family time. This can be a time to foster solidarity in the family through fun projects that everyone can participate in, such as planning a family vacation or holiday event.

8. Family meals can have a positive effect on future generations. When children learn the great value of family meals, they will want to continue them when they are married and have children of their own.

9. In short, family meals change lives. When a family seems to be running in all directions, family meals force them to slow down and take a break. It’s a time to relax after a busy day. This benefits both parents and children.

Fortunately, Tom and Rose began to see how important family meals were to the health of their family and their marriage. They were willing to make the changes necessary to ensure their family could have evening meals together.

A month later, I met with Tom and Rose again. They appeared much more relaxed and happier. Tom stopped working late. If he had extra work to do, he would go into work early the next day. Rose cut back on her church meetings and the kids cut back on the number of extracurricular activities they were involved in. While this seemed like a great sacrifice at first, the payoff was well worth it. Neither Tom nor Rose felt as stressed. They were able to develop closer relationships with each other and their kids. Because of this, their children’s behavior and grades improved. They came to look forward to evening meals as a time to relax and reconnect with each other and their children. Along with evening meals they began to have breakfast together on Sundays. Every Sunday after Mass, the family would gather in the kitchen and all would help prepare breakfast. Altogether, Tom, Rose and their kids were much happier.

I encourage all families to make meal time a priority. Often we are busier than we need to be. By letting go of unnecessary activities, I believe time can be found to sit down as a family several times a week for meals. Your family will thank you for it!